Comments on: Australia rocked by 'lesbian' koala revelation

Australia rocked by 'lesbian' koala revelation

ibmcginty — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:10:48 -0800

Female koalas indulge in lesbian "sex sessions", rejecting male suitors and attempting to mate with each other, sometimes up to five at a time, according to researchers.

By: agregoli

agregoli — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:18:36 -0800

Hmmm...vegetarians, peace-loving...now lesbians!!! Goddamn liberal koalas!

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:20:08 -0800

Love blossoms for zoo male penguin pair in San Francisco.

By: The God Complex

The God Complex — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:21:25 -0800

The dark lord works in mysterious ways.

By: ibmcginty

ibmcginty — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:25:59 -0800

There's stories like this all the time, but it was the headline that made this one seem worth posting to me: "Australia rocked by 'lesbian' koala revelation". I like the image of the streets of Sydney filled with distressed, outraged Aussies shocked at the decadence of koalas.

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:26:42 -0800

Salon: The Fabulous Kingdom of Gay Animals. Seed: The Gay Animal Kingdom. MSNBC: Gay animals out of the closet? LiveScience: Gay Animals: Alternative Lifestyles in the Wild.

By: ed

ed — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:26:47 -0800

Butch Cinereus and the Tweendance Koala

By: rxrfrx

rxrfrx — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:29:04 -0800

It's the ~~cutest~~ sexiest infestation ever.

By: bitter-girl.com

bitter-girl.com — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:30:00 -0800

Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches.

By: dios

dios — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:32:09 -0800

Hawt. /me needs a cold shower

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:32:35 -0800

An unsettling fact from the article ericb linked to:

Male penguins, noted Tollini, don't have penises. Instead the male penguin must lie on top of the female and do what is called a cloaca kiss. Tollini said, "It looks kind of like an asshole. They have a multi-purpose hole they use to poo, pee, have sex, and lay eggs."

ewww.

By: empath

empath — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:35:04 -0800

video or stfu!

By: dios

dios — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:37:00 -0800

Also: The furry, eucalyptus-eating creatures appear to develop this tendency for same-sex liaisons when they are in captivity. In the wild, they remain heterosexual. That seems to undermine any empirical or useful value behind this information. It's still HAWT, though.

By: bitter-girl.com

bitter-girl.com — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:39:20 -0800

Perhaps if we release the human gays back into the wild, they'll become straight. I hear that's what they did for Ted Haggart.

By: chairface

chairface — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:40:26 -0800

So when is Fred Phelps headed to Oz? I can't wait to see the "God Hates Koalas" signs.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:42:43 -0800

Wow, nature has "unnatural" urges. Who'da thunk it?

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:47:15 -0800

But do they have plush girlfriends yet? Because apparently that's the thing now.

By: Flashman

Flashman — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 14:48:12 -0800

Bitter-girl, take out a chunk in the middle where it meanders and gets a little repetitive, and that piece would be a perfect 'Reading' for Harper's magazine. Great stuff.

By: spiderwire

spiderwire — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:02:04 -0800

In the wild, they remain heterosexual. Free of context, I find that line hilarious.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:06:41 -0800

I like the image of the streets of Sydney filled with distressed, outraged Aussies shocked at the decadence of koalas. In Mardi Gras week? I like the image of the streets of Sydney filled with ecstatic, cheering Aussies loving the decadence of GLBTs of all descriptions - dykes on bikes, the marching boys, drag queens & kings, bears, and now, it seems, koalas. But yeh - the fact that I'm always accosted by koalas collecting for wilderness charities in inner-city queer strongholds like Glebe & Newtown has always led me to suspect that some of them might be homosexual beneath their skin.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:07:47 -0800

I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians and the koalas who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the finger in their face and say you helped this happen.

By: Green Eyed Monster

Green Eyed Monster — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:11:56 -0800

All I know is...those lesbian koalas are going to hell, because it's a choice, dammit! (sarcasm)

By: ibmcginty

ibmcginty — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:12:32 -0800

In the wild, they remain heterosexual. That seems to undermine any empirical or useful value behind this information. I dunno, Mark Steyn types might take it up in their fretting about birth rates. His argument runs, we in the West are all domesticated and decadent and homosexualish, while wild Arabs are breeding like... I dunno, wild Arabs, I guess he'd say. Or wild Arables, or Islam-o-fascists, or whatever the neologism of the week is.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:17:27 -0800

Does this make Australians koala-enablers?

By: vronsky

vronsky — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:19:44 -0800

I made the exact same observations last time I went to Lilith Fair.

By: poweredbybeard

poweredbybeard — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:20:01 -0800

attempt to mate Um... the implication being what? It's failed heterosexual sex, driven awry by captivity-induced confusion? Maybe they're just... having sex.

By: Azaadistani

Azaadistani — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:20:49 -0800

Pity it only happens to koalas in captivity ... [I'm sure the Aussie Conservatives will go on a Koalas Back to the Wild campaign] ... and that too, to only female koalas. Clearly the male koalas have trouble getting their female counterparts off ... it takes hetero couples twice as long as the lesbian ones ...

By: jeffburdges

jeffburdges — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:23:04 -0800

heh.. diving turtles breath through their ass.. heh

By: Azaadistani

Azaadistani — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:24:54 -0800

and lekvar much as I support that argument, it doesn't work here: they engage in these sapphic trysts only in captivity. though i wonder whether the males are light in the loafers in the wild. i also wonder how koalas get it on whether homo or hetero -- aren't they always clinging on to trees, with their genitalia sorta humping the branch they're clinging on to?

By: lalochezia

lalochezia — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:27:12 -0800

Biologists were puzzled by a recent koala-stingray conference in Northern Australia. Now we know why they met.

By: bl1nk

bl1nk — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:32:15 -0800

It's failed heterosexual sex, driven awry by captivity-induced confusion?

obviously, it follows on the standard cinematic theory that whenever girls are placed in prison, the likelihood chance of lesbianism eventually reaches 100%. rate of change doubles if showers are involved. also doubles once over if one of the koala's is also a she-wolf of the SS

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:33:18 -0800

Huh. I thought koalas only ate eucalyptus.

By: Phlogiston

Phlogiston — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:34:15 -0800

One theory put forward by the researchers is that the females do it to attract males; another is that it is simply hormonal, or that it is a stress reliever. I wonder if koala-women-who-love-koala-women resent predominantly hetero koalas making out to attract males.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:43:36 -0800

So it's not just the seagulls then?

By: Espoo2

Espoo2 — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:46:11 -0800

I saw 2 girl cats do this once, at a party. One was a kitten, the other was older.... Right in the middle of the floor in the living room, in front of everyone. Have they no shame?

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:48:55 -0800

Well, that explains why that female koala sent my flowers back.

By: Kibbutz

Kibbutz — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:49:00 -0800

bl1nk, you read my mind.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:55:44 -0800

I wonder if Koalas have anonymous forums they spend time on: "I'm totally straight, but my best friend and I fooled around last night (we both have pouches). We'd been eating eucalyptus..."

By: drjimmy11

drjimmy11 — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:16:48 -0800

The furry, eucalyptus-eating creatures appear to develop this tendency for same-sex liaisons when they are in captivity. In the wild, they remain heterosexual. So, exactly like human females, then? (oh wait. is life not like the movies that come on HBO after midnight?)

By: breezeway

breezeway — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:16:55 -0800

Koalas so hot with desire they melt the chains that enslave them!

By: jfuller

jfuller — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:21:33 -0800

This is why Teddy liked 'em gutted and stuffed.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:46:28 -0800

Huh. I thought koalas only ate eucalyptus. That's true. But they are apparently not averse to drinking from the furry pouch.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:48:33 -0800

Hi. Did someone order a pizza, extra eucalyptus? *cue cheezy bass riff* Pizza? We didn't order any pizza... *baw-chick-baw bawww*

By: Jimbob

Jimbob — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:53:28 -0800

Strange that articles like this don't mention the name of the researchers... Here's the original article, by the way. A hot quote:

Thrusting and jerking phases were longest and were of approximately equal length. The delay from neckbite to thrusting, the thrusting phase and the jerking phase were shorter in homosexual than heterosexual mountings, which may relate to the absence of penile intromission and ejaculation.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:59:30 -0800

Male penguins, noted Tollini, don't have penises. Instead the male penguin must lie on top of the female and do what is called a cloaca kiss. Tollini said, "It looks kind of like an asshole. They have a multi-purpose hole they use to poo, pee, have sex, and lay eggs." And you wonder why they're turning to other females?

By: Midnight Creeper

Midnight Creeper — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:32:08 -0800

Huh. So while the koalas slide into decadence and debauchery, the chimps are cowboying up with their newfound mastery of spear-hunting. It won't be long before they sail to Australia in their mighty fleets to overthrow the erstwhile lords of the eucalyptus. Barbarians at the gate!

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:50:00 -0800

Goddam tree huggers.

By: rdone

rdone — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:19:07 -0800

MetaFilter: It's failed heterosexual sex, driven awry by captivity-induced confusion.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:32:21 -0800

LOLANIMULS

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:41:28 -0800

They're not doing it for you, you know. (Except for those college koalas. They're totally being attention whores.)

By: psmealey

psmealey — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:52:19 -0800

Tollini said, "It looks kind of like an asshole. They have a multi-purpose hole they use to poo, pee, have sex, and lay eggs." I love the language of science. It's so fucking eloquent.

By: Pinback

Pinback — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:31:55 -0800

Apropos of the subject: I recall seeing on TV ages ago about a temple somewhere (Thailand?) that was periodically overrun by rats. The story was the rats were considered semi-sacred and were well fed by the monks / caretakers - which caused a recurring cycle of population explosion -> overcrowding -> homosexuality / cannibalism -> population crash. Anyone got any details of that particular case? I'm aware of similar cases where population pressure causes "aberrant" behaviour, but for some reason that particular one intrigues me. Every now and then I Google for it, but you can imaging the kind of results that tends to turn up... It'll make a nice diversion from the images of cannibal lesbian drop-bears that are currently running through my mind. (Honestly, have some people never learned of the multiple uses of the avian cloaca? I'm stunned - I thought it was something everyone learned and giggled about in primary school.)

By: Parannoyed

Parannoyed — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:39:25 -0800

one word: KOALAROTICA

By: davejay

davejay — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:51:30 -0800

On several occasions more than one pair of females shared the same pole... Wait, wait, wait -- I thought they were lesbians!

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:52:02 -0800

I recall seeing on TV ages ago about a temple somewhere (Thailand?) that was periodically overrun by rats. The story was the rats were considered semi-sacred and were well fed by the monks / caretakers - which caused a recurring cycle of population explosion -> overcrowding -> homosexuality / cannibalism -> population crash. Anyone got any details of that particular case? You are probably thinking of the Karni Mata Temple, near Bikaner, Rajasthan, India.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:56:55 -0800

Honestly, have some people never learned of the multiple uses of the avian cloaca? Or multiple names. On a chicken, the cloaca is also known as the "Pope's nose", right?

By: Jimbob

Jimbob — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:22:38 -0800

Pinback, I was marginally involved with some work on Yellow Bellied Gliders a few years back. A population of just a few (5 I think) animals were confined to a tiny remnant patch of forest, surrounded by pine plantations, through which they could not migrate. And we observed adult males sharing dens with other adult males - something unheard about in more natural, connected populations. Kind of a prison thing...

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:34:39 -0800

...either that, or they just wanted to find some quiet neck of the woods where the others wouldn't piss all over their lifestyle choices.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 02:15:32 -0800

The punchline of that joke about the koala and the hooker seems very appropriate: "Don't you know the definition of koala? Eats bush and leaves."

By: global3420

global3420 — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 07:45:10 -0800

koala porn.

By: drstein

drstein — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 09:08:05 -0800

News flash: Many critters will try to screw anything that moves. Film at 11.

By: lodurr

lodurr — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 10:42:46 -0800

All these posts, and no one has yet mentioned that Bonobos do this all the time -- in the wild. It's part of their basic social organization. Hyenas have some pretty weird sex practices, too. And equipment. All female hyenas have this enormous false-penis -- the things look really freaky (they have big flat triangular heads on them). The really fun thing, is that males have them, too, in addition to their actual penises. Dominance relations are established by who has to lick whose false-penis.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 12:14:04 -0800

It's the Aussie version of Tatu. *rimshot* ...no? nothing? Ach. No one caught the lesbian seagull thing either. No image tag's killing me.

By: lodurr

lodurr — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 13:42:40 -0800

"FLLLLYYYYYYYYY, lesbian seagull!" OK, so I didn't get it until you made me think about it. So sue me.