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"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die; there is no middle ground."
June 5, 2012 10:38 AM Subscribe

HBO is now selling a life-size replica of the throne from “Game of Thrones,” its epic fantasy adapted from George R. R. Martin’s “Song of Ice and Fire” novels. [HBO-blue] The replica is made not from molten steel but from hand-finished, hand-painted fiberglass and fireproof resin, weighs 350 pounds and measures 7 feet, 2 inches tall; 5 feet 11 inches deep; and 5 feet 5 inches wide. HBO, which also offers artifacts and memorabilia inspired by its other original series, said in a news release about the throne that “calling it impressive is an understatement” but offered no advice on how to sit in a seat constructed from so many sharp and pointed instruments. [Via: NYTimes.com]
posted by Fizz (89 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

Well I might buy an inflatable version for $5
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:40 AM on June 5, 2012 [5 favorites]

Presumably it's fiberglass because I've tied up all the iron in this chain I've had built and am burying under my driveway.
posted by straw at 10:40 AM on June 5, 2012 [38 favorites]

Well I might buy an inflatable version for $5

That's what Cersei said.
posted by Fizz at 10:40 AM on June 5, 2012 [8 favorites]

offered no advice on how to sit in a seat constructed from so many sharp and pointed instruments

A king should never sit easily upon his throne. Don't kids read Aegon the Conqueror in school these days?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:41 AM on June 5, 2012 [41 favorites]

Splinter is coming.
posted by ColdChef at 10:41 AM on June 5, 2012 [76 favorites]

$30,000 is fine, but you're going to whack me $1,800 for shipping? Must be sending it on a Comcast truck.
posted by yerfatma at 10:41 AM on June 5, 2012 [5 favorites]

Damn you, Zarquon, you basically beat me.
posted by Samizdata at 10:41 AM on June 5, 2012

It's actually finished yet but Martin promises it's really close.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:42 AM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh, and you smell of summer.
posted by Samizdata at 10:42 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

HBO goes SkyMall.
posted by iamck at 10:43 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

They'll sell a fucking life sized replica of that godawful throne but they won't fucking sell you an episode to watch until next year. HBO you are a giant sack of dicks.
posted by elizardbits at 10:44 AM on June 5, 2012 [111 favorites]

Somehow "I shall sit upon the fiberglass throne" doesn't have the same ring to it.
posted by Trurl at 10:46 AM on June 5, 2012

but you're going to whack me $1,800 for shipping?

First you have to find the right dragon and then you're going to need to need the right permits. And these permits are a real bitch, there's all kind of paperwork and then you have to fuck your sister. It's just red tape everywhere you look.
posted by Fizz at 10:46 AM on June 5, 2012 [15 favorites]

Link just leads me to a store with lots of HBO stuff. Probably a regional thing, though it thinks I'm British, just like Starbucks. I see no throne.
posted by Elmore at 10:46 AM on June 5, 2012

But I don't even have a sister! Damn you, HBO!
posted by filthy light thief at 10:48 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have an ex-boyfriend who would probably buy that in a second if he had the $30K. He gave me a One Ring replica one year; after we broke up, I made an epic trek up a mountain of trash to throw it into a pile of smouldering rubbish. Oddly satisfying, actually.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:50 AM on June 5, 2012 [37 favorites]

I'd totally buy this, but I don't think I could handle having Stannis Baratheon and his creepy-ass girlfriend hanging around outside my house all the time.
posted by R. Schlock at 10:50 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Here, let me have a seat on my honking great metaphor."
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:52 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

For those who can't see this, and for posterity: image gallery, with screenshot and the 4 "more images".
posted by filthy light thief at 10:53 AM on June 5, 2012

I was just going to say this is nothing when compared to the $40,000 Dethklok Fountain or the $70,000 Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force Hot Air Balloon, but it looks like Adult Swim's store closed. And before I got a chance to buy all the Venture Bros. trinkets I wanted!
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:55 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

For $31,800 I bet I could get a local blacksmith to make me one out of real steel.
posted by Revvy at 10:56 AM on June 5, 2012 [23 favorites]

Someone buy this so we can mock them.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:56 AM on June 5, 2012

YOU WOULDN'T ~~STEAL~~ DOWNLOAD AN IRON THRONE

I would if I could
posted by King Bee at 10:57 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

How much for the robot arm that carves it?
posted by drezdn at 10:57 AM on June 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

Man, I'd sell my sister to a Dothraki for one of those.
posted by PlusDistance at 10:57 AM on June 5, 2012 [24 favorites]

Really, the worst thing would be to buy one of these, wait a tense 6-8 weeks, and finally see the delivery truck drive up, for it to stop at your neighbor's house first. So you get upset, and you shout:

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

But then you realize that you're reference the wrong fantasy universe. And you really aren't a violent person. You actually aren't all that good at any sort of confrontation. So you then shout:

OK, MAYBE TWO AT MOST. BUT THAT'S IT. NO MORE!

THERE CAN BE ONLY TWO!

ON THIS BLOCK!
posted by filthy light thief at 10:58 AM on June 5, 2012 [9 favorites]

But I don't even have a sister! Damn you, HBO!

You really don't know about all the bastards?
posted by furiousxgeorge at 11:01 AM on June 5, 2012

(heh, looks like the user reviews are being screened. not that I'd put up a fake one or anything.)
posted by ColdChef at 11:01 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

YOU WOULDN'T STEAL AN IRON THRONE

obvsly not, my last name isn't baratheon
posted by elizardbits at 11:02 AM on June 5, 2012 [12 favorites]

my last name isn't baratheon

BUUUUUUURN

no seriously, that's what the Mad King did to such folks
posted by King Bee at 11:05 AM on June 5, 2012 [19 favorites]

$30K and it doesn't even have a cup holder? Probably doesn't include a slave to kneel before you, to use as a footrest either. The high price of decadence is higher than one might expect.
posted by doctor_negative at 11:06 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94: Well I might buy an inflatable version for $5

Would you settle for a cake? It's probably more than $5, but a lot less than $30k. You can even ~~forge~~ bake your own.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:06 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

My husband and I have made an imaginary movie starring Jerry Stiller, called Hy Lander, about an elderly Jewish man who will fight other men to the death to retain his position as alpha (and solo) male in his nursing home.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:11 AM on June 5, 2012 [25 favorites]

Link just leads me to a store with lots of HBO stuff. Probably a regional thing, though it thinks I'm British, just like Starbucks. I see no throne.

Yeah, I just see a bunch of random HBO stuff too, no throne even though I looked through a few of the listings. I'm in Ireland so I guess it is a regional thing, although it seems superlame that they can't even be bothered showing me what they sell to other countries.

This is a pretty thin FPP anyway, but appears to be totally pointless for those of us not in the USA.
posted by shelleycat at 11:13 AM on June 5, 2012

The dragons whose fire forged the fiberglass throne now have mesotheleoma.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:13 AM on June 5, 2012 [7 favorites]

Would you settle for a cake? It's probably more than $5, but a lot less than $30k.
Also: Ned Stark Cake Pops.
posted by ColdChef at 11:14 AM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

OK, but does the sticker price of $30,000.00 also include killing Joffrey?

[ because my wife keeps asking, every episode, if this is the one someone will finally kill him in ... ]
posted by tocts at 11:15 AM on June 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

But I don't even have a sister! Damn you, HBO!

Jeez, don't lose your head over it.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:15 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

Can we link to our Photobucket accounts from comments here? Because those of you in other countries should really have the opportunity to see this thing in all its splendor, and to read the hilarious advertising copy, so I'll paste it over there if this is considered OK.

It makes sense that they're not selling it outside the US (or maybe outside North America) because if it's $1,800 US shipping within the country, I shudder to think how much it might cost to get the thing overseas.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:17 AM on June 5, 2012

I'm in the US but since I've not been following the show, I'm trying to wrap my mind around the notion of years of intrigue and assassination for the privileged of having one or more swords shoved up your ass quillons first and, well, is Europe hiring? I hear they've got some really cool thrones over there.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:19 AM on June 5, 2012

Man, I'd sell my sister to a Dothraki for one of those.

Careful, that's a good way to end up with a head full of molten fiberglass.
posted by Naberius at 11:23 AM on June 5, 2012 [13 favorites]

I think flt might have you covered, Sidhedevil.
posted by box at 11:24 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't the original set piece be mostly made of wood and fiberglass? I can't imagine set dressers wanting to haul around a prop heavier than a small car.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 11:24 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm a little disappointed that the price isn't listed in Iron and Gold.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:29 AM on June 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

It'd be great to get one of these and do a toilet mod/hack.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:30 AM on June 5, 2012

I love the back of it, with the blades fanning out above the sitter's head, but the base of the thing is just a hot mess. Aegon's blacksmiths apparently couldn't make proper legs, so they just went with "pile".
posted by Rock Steady at 11:30 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

For $31,800 I bet I could get a local blacksmith to make me one out of real steel.

Eh, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, it seems to be made out of individual swords pounded together. So you'd need to make each sword individually. Otherwise I guess you could cast the whole thing, but that still sounds expensive.
posted by delmoi at 11:30 AM on June 5, 2012

BEND THE KNEE.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:30 AM on June 5, 2012

"Availability: In Stock"

So I'm supposed to think there's a warehouse full of boxed-up plastic Iron Thrones, perhaps down the hall from the PBS-style phone bank waiting for the orders to roll in?
posted by NortonDC at 11:39 AM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

Wow, if I was still a guy looking for kinky sex partners on the Internet, if they had a picture of themselves in that chair, I'd be packing my weekend bag no questions asked.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:46 AM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought
Game of Thrones House Sigil Stone Coaster Set
$39.99

The throne is completely useless without the coaster set.
posted by brain_drain at 11:50 AM on June 5, 2012 [15 favorites]

This will go perfectly with my Hyperion Shrike umbrella tree.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:52 AM on June 5, 2012 [17 favorites]

The throne is completely useless without the coaster set.

$30k and they couldn't be bothered to use a water-resistant finish?
posted by Revvy at 11:56 AM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

My husband and I have made an imaginary movie starring Jerry Stiller, called Hy Lander, about an elderly Jewish man who will fight other men to the death to retain his position as alpha (and solo) male in his nursing home.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:11 AM on June 5 [3 favorites ?] [!]

LOLocaust!
posted by lalochezia at 12:00 PM on June 5, 2012

$30k and they couldn't be bothered to use a water-resistant finish?

It's the Iron Throne, not the stainless steel throne, jeez louise
posted by King Bee at 12:07 PM on June 5, 2012 [10 favorites]

There are, like, 30 sword stores on Hollywood Boulevard. I think I'll just wait until the next riots, head out my door, and make one of these thrones for myself.

Or, alternately, I might make a throne out of stripper clothes. Or maybe one of the stores that sell reproduction Oscars. There's about as many of those stores on Hollywood Boulevard, and their merchandise is easier to carry.

When you play the game of thrones you strip or you red carpet. There is no middle ground.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 12:12 PM on June 5, 2012 [5 favorites]

If I had that I'd at least totally sit upright upon it and not slouch like that shit Joffrey.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:13 PM on June 5, 2012

I'd like to setup a kickstarter to buy one and sit G.R.R. Martin on it with a ikea laptop stand until he finished the series.
posted by srboisvert at 12:22 PM on June 5, 2012 [13 favorites]

Splinter is coming.

You just won the everything of everything.

Somebody else said this but, serious question now, couldn't a couple of good smiths/welders make a real one for that price?
posted by rahnefan at 12:23 PM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

Also:

Well I might buy an inflatable version for $5

Dude. Somebody somewhere surely would have paid you for that idea...?
posted by rahnefan at 12:27 PM on June 5, 2012

If only one could torrent a giant chair as easily as the episodes!

Well, those 3D printers are getting more advanced. So, someday.

Either that or you will be able to get an IKEA THRON, and self-assemble it. It will have a whimsical cushion featuring peaceful Nordic dragons frolicking.
posted by emjaybee at 12:31 PM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

This will pair well with my Larry Hagman ten-gallon hat and pearl handled Colt .45.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:46 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's probably wrong that my first two reactions were "Wow! $30,000?" and "Go pound sand."
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:49 PM on June 5, 2012

How do you get it through a normal door?
posted by localroger at 12:54 PM on June 5, 2012

He gave me a One Ring replica one year

One ring to rule the mall.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:00 PM on June 5, 2012 [5 favorites]

This is a way better Cake of Thrones. It's sitting in a pool of delicious sugary blood!
posted by zoetrope at 1:01 PM on June 5, 2012

They were trotting these things around everywhere before the series started. I even sat on one at the World Science Fiction Convention last fall. My question is How do you know you're not getting a used one. A certificate of authenticity for this this replica??
posted by djrock3k at 1:06 PM on June 5, 2012

So many fedoras could hang on that thing.
posted by SharkParty at 1:07 PM on June 5, 2012 [13 favorites]

Either that or you will be able to get an IKEA THRON, and self-assemble it. It will have a whimsical cushion featuring peaceful Nordic dragons frolicking.

Or more accurately to the series, Nordic dragons fucking.

Which is totally how I first read that phrase.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:22 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

What? No matching ottoman?
posted by Thorzdad at 1:23 PM on June 5, 2012

So many fedoras could hang on that thing.

Warrior. King. Debonair SysAdmin.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:33 PM on June 5, 2012 [6 favorites]

$30K? I assume that's the gold price? I'll pay... the iron price.
posted by PenDevil at 1:36 PM on June 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you shop online.
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:48 PM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

Wait, is it:

"On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil!"
posted by blue_beetle at 2:17 PM on June 5, 2012

Trying to picture it covered in cat hair and Doritos crumbs. Yup, still pretty cool.
posted by TheRedArmy at 2:25 PM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

King Tut Cabinet Reviews.
posted by The Whelk at 2:28 PM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

Wow, if I was still a guy looking for kinky sex partners on the Internet, if they had a picture of themselves in that chair, I'd be packing my weekend bag no questions asked.

*makes note in secret book*
posted by The Whelk at 2:47 PM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

So I'm supposed to think there's a warehouse full of boxed-up plastic Iron Thrones, perhaps down the hall from the PBS-style phone bank waiting for the orders to roll in?

Just wait until 2025 when the series is finally over and these things go on super clearance.
posted by Chekhovian at 2:48 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want to buy Larry David's obnoxiousness.
posted by Danf at 2:56 PM on June 5, 2012

Where can I get Nucky Thomson's shoes from the opening titles?

I am serious.
posted by The Whelk at 3:02 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I sat on my Iron Throne and felt a little prick. At first, I just assumed it was one of the many swords, but then I realized I'd accidently sat on Joffrey.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:07 PM on June 5, 2012 [11 favorites]

The Whelk

http://www.soletopia.com/main/sole-source/nucky-thompsons-wing-tips-boardwalk-empire

google autocompleted 'nucky thompson shoes' when I typed in 'nucky.'
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:08 PM on June 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

I wonder if google has a shopping link for a vast criminal empire. I can get one at discount right?
posted by The Whelk at 3:12 PM on June 5, 2012

not "vast" enough. apply for the minor underworld coupons and super saturday deals.
posted by clavdivs at 4:21 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

how to sit in a seat constructed from so many sharp and pointed instruments.

C-C-C-Carefully! Carefully! Careful-L-Y. {/Tom Lehrer}
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:26 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Pros and Cons of Owning a $30,000 Game of Thrones Replica Throne
posted by kirkaracha at 10:37 PM on June 5, 2012

If you're new to the thread, please scroll down to this message first, and open this link in another tab/window as you read.
posted by LordSludge at 12:17 AM on June 6, 2012

I wonder if you can put a spigot on it, fill it with Dornish wine, and use it as a conversation piece.
posted by Mezentian at 1:04 AM on June 6, 2012

Wow, if I was still a guy looking for kinky sex partners on the Internet, if they had a picture of themselves in that chair, I'd be packing my weekend bag no questions asked.

westeros.craigslist.com

Community: Rideshare "Ride needed. Harrenhall > Winterfell ASAP"
For Sale: Boats "For sale. One fleet, slightly scorched."
Gigs: "Musicians wanted for an upcoming wedding. Must be familiar with standard repertoire (Rains of Castamere, etc.)"
posted by the latin mouse at 8:33 AM on June 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

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"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die; there is no middle ground." June 5, 2012 10:38 AM Subscribe

"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die; there is no middle ground."
June 5, 2012 10:38 AM Subscribe