Clearly, outlawing fancy glass pipes is the crucial step towards a drug-free America.
Once we get rid of the fancy class pipes, all other problems will solve themselves.
posted by spazzm at 10:38 PM on December 17, 2003

Not so fast, spazzm. We will still have to get rid of the vibrators too.
posted by homunculus at 10:43 PM on December 17, 2003

Okay, okay. But as soon as we've rid the world of the bongs and the vibrators, all those other pesky problems will just sort themselves out - powerty, terrorism, teen pregnancy, DUI, corruption and rainy days will be things of the past.
posted by spazzm at 11:37 PM on December 17, 2003

But as soon as we've rid the world of the bongs and the vibrators, all those other pesky problems will just sort themselves out - powerty, terrorism, teen pregnancy, DUI, corruption and rainy days will be things of the past.

But wait, what about the female dolls and stuffed animals that are creating problems for our Saudi Arabian allies? Don't we have to get rid of them too? If we don't, what happens to the alliance?
posted by homunculus at 11:54 PM on December 17, 2003

And where would we be without our friendship with the Saudis? They are, after all, gracious and giving. And after we've got the bongs and dildos all rounded up, we should secure all the incense and concert-t's, just to be safe.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 12:40 AM on December 18, 2003

Going after celebrity offenders? I have firm reason to believe that Warner Bros. character Wile E. Coyote has access to Acme Weapons of Mass Destruction.
posted by zaelic at 2:23 AM on December 18, 2003

But Mary Houghton and Mary Beth Buchanan, who delivered the government¡¯s colloquy at the hearing when Chong pleaded guilty, had other ideas.

Chong, Houghton contended, had become wealthy by ¡°glamorizing the illegal use and distribution of marijuana and trivializing law-enforcement efforts to combat drug use.¡± (Houghton did not respond to repeated interview requests.)

Isn't that pretty much every rapper? I don't see the government going after Cypress Hill or Snoop Dogg. Wonder why?
posted by damnitkage at 5:07 AM on December 18, 2003

Actually, I've seen Snoop Dogg complain in interviews about the police bothering him when he tries to smoke on the road. Something like "they know I'm going to be smokin" or something like that. Regardless:

EXILE TOMMY CHONG!
posted by crazy finger at 5:30 AM on December 18, 2003

Tommy, come to Canada. We'll take care of you, we promise.
posted by Jairus at 7:01 AM on December 18, 2003

It's like Ashcroft and the DEA are now writing the Cheech and Chong scripts. I mean, come on folks, you can't get much more stupidly, stoned-ly comic than this:


¡°The illegal drug paraphernalia industry has invaded the homes of families across the country without their knowledge.¡± (John Ashcroft).

Does ANYBODY actually believe this crap?
posted by yesster at 7:17 AM on December 18, 2003

I just find it amusing, since high-end pipes are something that are only purchased by that group of people who allegedly doesn't exist, marajuana smokers with good jobs. After all, who else is going to pay $100 for a bowl, or $300 for a bong?

If ashcroft wants to get rid of the things kids use to smoke weed, he needs to ban rolling papers, cigarettes, cigars, aluminum cans, shop class and god knows what else... and that'd just slow them down for five minutes until one of the kids realizes that you can make a really nice bowl out of an apple.
posted by mosch at 7:32 AM on December 18, 2003

Memory Hole has the pipes.
posted by sixpack at 9:16 AM on December 18, 2003

¡°glamorizing the illegal use and distribution of marijuana and trivializing law-enforcement efforts to combat drug use.¡±

I can sleep easilly knowing that he has gone to jail for something that isn't illegal.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 9:34 AM on December 18, 2003

This is wrong. This is so very, very wrong. And I say this as an uptight person who has no love of the subculture Tommy Chong represents. God, what are these jerkoffs doing to my country?
posted by moonbiter at 11:03 AM on December 18, 2003

Crazy finger, Chong is from Canada, he met Cheech when the latter was evading the draft in the late '60s and Marin walked into the restaurant/bar that Tommy's family owned. I think this was Vancouver but definitely somewhere in the western part of the Great White North. Anyway, the prosecutors here are so full of previously-consumed and process food matter that I would laugh if I wasn't choking on my precious free speech and liberty.
posted by billsaysthis at 11:43 AM on December 18, 2003

mosch: Outlawing apples is the natural next step then.
Not only that, but anyone using the phrase "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" will be sent up the river for "glamorizing the illegal use and distribution of marijuana".
posted by spazzm at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2003

BST: Edmonchuk, I thought.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:10 PM on December 18, 2003

fff: you may well be correct. though i've never heard of a big city named edmonchuk...
posted by billsaysthis at 5:15 PM on December 18, 2003

Edmonton, then.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:46 PM on December 18, 2003