I was about to snark on the wedding industry, but decided I should check the links first, and I support their work - all about keeping things DIY and unique.

My wife and I had a fun wedding, for which we designed our own save the date and invite cards, had a relative perform the ceremony (in his batman converse), and we had zombie versions of ourselves as the wedding topper. It was a lot of fun, and I'm actually looking forward to my best friend's wedding, for more of the same sort of unique fun.

Wedding fairs, for all the overwhelming chaos, are a nice source of cake samples and a good bit of amusement. Happy wedding season, one and all.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:04 AM on March 19, 2009

TPS, is there some reason why you're following wedding blogs avidly enough to have a favourite?;-)
posted by orange swan at 9:05 AM on March 19, 2009

Hmm, all of Manolo's sites are down. Hrmm.
posted by mkb at 9:16 AM on March 19, 2009

I hate hearing about wedding planning, but I love looking at pretty decorations and dresses. I'm torn.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:25 AM on March 19, 2009

Wedding blogs (and everything wedding related) are interesting for the first couple weeks of planning your wedding, and then they begin to fall into the category of "I'm going to tear my hair out if I see another one of these." Also in that category: cakes, DJs, dresses. Those things stay in that category until long after the wedding is over. I believe the category finally empties around the time of you first child's nuptials.
posted by incessant at 9:26 AM on March 19, 2009

I used to go on the LJ community Weddingplans when I was assigned to do someone's photos. Until then - never having been the kind of girl who plans a dream day - I didn't realise how much STUFF weddings involve. Envelope liners. Cupcake themes. Cashmere knitted invitation holders (seriously).

I'm going to a wedding next week, and while I've only met the bride once, she seems far too sensible for all that. Were I to marry, something like filthy's wedding would be excellent. That, or getting tipsy one night and sneaking off to a chapel.
posted by mippy at 9:34 AM on March 19, 2009

A $10,000 Wedding
Can she do it?

Blimey, that's about ?7000. Think of all the houmous I could buy for that! Even if it wasn't reduced to 20p per 100g.
posted by mippy at 9:35 AM on March 19, 2009

mippy and anyone else looking to having a wedding in the future, my advice is: the day is yours, make it fun.

If your families are involved and they have a certain faith or tradition that you don't agree with, maybe give that a tip of the hat. But whatever you do, it should be fun. Don't get caught up in the stuff of it, and rely on friends who share your interests. Everyone will remember the fact you had fun at the wedding, failures and flaws be damned.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:39 AM on March 19, 2009

Cashmere knitted invitation holders (seriously).

On the one hand, I'm disgusted by the fact that this even exists.

On the other hand, I'm thinking, "...you know, I do know how to knit and I do need money, so..."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:59 AM on March 19, 2009 [2 favorites]

Thanks TPS, I'm going to forward this to my fiancee; we're about 4 months away from our big day.
posted by daHIFI at 10:00 AM on March 19, 2009

No one needs cupcake themes. Or envelope liners. I don't even know what an envelope liner is, actually.
posted by chunking express at 10:32 AM on March 19, 2009

I think it's used to line envelopes, chunking express.
posted by dersins at 10:36 AM on March 19, 2009

It's a slip of tissue paper that goes between the envelope and the invitation.
posted by boo_radley at 10:38 AM on March 19, 2009

I didn't think any envelope liners and themed anything were all to important until we planned our wedding. Now when we go to weddings, we notice all the details that the bride and groom put into planning theirs.

Have a great wedding, to all of you who are tying the knot!
posted by bitteroldman at 10:53 AM on March 19, 2009

You should totally do it, EmpressCallipygos. The ones I saw were probably knitted by Chinese children. I saw it on Weddingplans . That comm makes my jaw drop slightly. I didn't even know until a month ago that there was such a thing as a wedding invitation acceptance card, and that people needed to send them. There seems to be such a minefield of 'wedding etiquette' and I've never been one for doing things by the book - it seems that weddings are often designed to please friends and family as much as the couple, and I'm quite selfish really :)
posted by mippy at 10:56 AM on March 19, 2009

There is a lot of junk people will try to sell you, or tell you that you need, because weddings are a big industry. It's interesting comparing Tamil weddings I went to as a kid -- crappy vegetarian food, folding chairs, paper plates -- with ones I go to now -- crazy-ass craziness.
posted by chunking express at 11:03 AM on March 19, 2009

It's amazing how much weddings cost. I got married last year and we had about 125 people. Even though we didn't have anything fancy, made our own invites etc., it still cost about $15K. There's so much you don't think about that you need to buy. For a while there $500 chunks were just being carved off daily - on random stuff. Tuxedos, groom gifts, flowers, bridesmaids' dresses, photographer, PA system...you name it.
posted by jimmythefish at 11:34 AM on March 19, 2009

A $10,000 Wedding
Can she do it?

What? I could buy a wife for ten large. If you can't get married on it, something is wrong with you.
posted by secret about box at 11:58 AM on March 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

The more I hear about all this stuff, the more I resolve that if I ever get married, I'm going to take a leaf out of my parents' notebook and get married in my landlady's apartment wearing a nice outfit I already own, with friends for witnesses. Well, I might not actually have a landlady, but same principle.

Almost thirty years later, and their only regret is that they didn't get to eat more of the wedding cake before they ran off on their honeymoon. Apparently it was a really good cake.
posted by bettafish at 12:12 PM on March 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

The weddings that I have enjoyed most have been the ones where the whole event is designed as a party for all the friends and family of the couple. I have only ever been to DIY weddings, which seem fine to me. Other than the waiting staff and a few officials, there is no need for any strangers.
Wedding presents - not necessary/played down or choose a charity for donations
Getting all your guests to suggest music and then putting it all on random selection on an mp3 player - fine
DJ/Band - not necessary unless they are friends and doing it for the love
Wedding crooner - not necessary
Free bar - necessary
Free food - necessary
Invitations - necessary, but not necessarily over the top

THAT IS THE LAW ; )
posted by asok at 12:15 PM on March 19, 2009

Free bar - necessary

To me, an open bar has always been a sign of extravagance, and totally unnecessary.
posted by mkb at 12:23 PM on March 19, 2009

Thanks for the shout out, ThePinkSuperhero! And never fear -- Manolo for the Brides appears to have gone back up a few minutes ago, which means it's time for me to get back to work.
posted by Never teh Bride at 12:29 PM on March 19, 2009

::fangirl:: MANOLO!!! Manolo I loooooooove you!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:42 PM on March 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

Don't forget the best wedding blog of all: the sadly defunct Veiled Conceit:

A glimpse into that haven of superficial, pretentious, pseudo-aristocratic vanity: The NY Times' Wedding & Celebration Announcements.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:03 PM on March 19, 2009

Veiled Conceit hasn't been updated in over two years, almost three- wonder what happened.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:04 PM on March 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

The author was a law student at the time.

He must've graduated, landed a job as a lawyer, and lost all his mirth.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:17 PM on March 19, 2009

What if married people were treated like singles?

Here is a list of the types of statements couples would be forced to endure:

"Don't worry, you'll get a divorce someday."

"Oh, you're married? I'm so sorry!"

"You're so great - how come you're still married?"

"It's OK to be married for a while but eventually you ... Read Moreneed to grow up and become single."

"You're so lucky to be married and not have as much responsibility."

"But don't you feel bad not having a life, seeing as you're married?"

"When are you going to get a divorce?"

"It's so sad having to come home to a house with someone in it all the time."

"Well, I would've invited you to book group, except you're married and I thought you wouldn't want to be around all those happily single people."

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing married?"
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:30 PM on March 19, 2009 [15 favorites]

I got through maybe two pages of that Veiled Conceit and three words popped into my head: "envious, angry, bitter". What a sad person.
posted by Zambrano at 1:45 PM on March 19, 2009

Free bar - necessary

We did a free pre-reception bar, a few bottles at the table and a cash bar after dinner. It allows a good free buzz but you're not financing those people who wanna get sloshed.
posted by jimmythefish at 2:24 PM on March 19, 2009

No offense to anyone personally, but this wedding porn stuff just seems really creepy, sad, and empty. Not to mention needlessly materialistic.

But then again, I loved Veiled Conceit so I'm not exactly the target audience.
posted by dhammond at 4:57 PM on March 19, 2009

I can always tell which posts are yours before I get to your name at the bottom, Kate.

;-)
posted by Doohickie at 6:05 PM on March 19, 2009

We had an open bar at our wedding and we didn't go through half the alcohol that we expected. I don't think that anyone got even close to sloshed.
posted by octothorpe at 7:53 PM on March 19, 2009

I loved my wedding - very DIY. That being said, if I ever decide to do it again, I would elope.
posted by mnb64 at 8:11 PM on March 19, 2009

How about:

http://cagaymarriage.blogspot.com/
http://www.marriagedebate.com/mdblog.php
http://overturn8.nclrights.org/
...

Oh, wait.
posted by Barking Frog at 8:17 PM on March 19, 2009

A hearty congratulations to you and Stynxno, TPS!
posted by onlyconnect at 4:46 AM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

> Also in that category: Also in that category: cakes, DJs...

No-one really needs a DJ at a wedding these days. Just rent a sound system and hook up your laptop or iPod and you've saved yourself several hundred dollars.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:04 AM on March 20, 2009

> We did a free pre-reception bar, a few bottles at the table and a cash bar after dinner. It allows a good free buzz but you're not financing those people who wanna get sloshed.

The wedding organizer at the place where we got married/had our reception told us that when it comes to open bars, for every guest who has one drink there will be another who has ten, and it will average out to five drinks per guest. This wound up being true almost to the dollar.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:08 AM on March 20, 2009

What? I could buy a wife for ten large. If you can't get married on it, something is wrong with you.

Free bar - necessary
Free food - necessary

(Full disclosure, I write for WeddingBee.)

This. This is why weddings cost so much. I am a real, true honest to God cheapskate, but it wasn't until I got married that I understood how much weddings really do cost. Feeding everyone and getting them drunk is usually the largest line item in a wedding budget, especially if you have a large family. Some couples can pull off doing a potluck, but only if you have lots of help. Have you ever tried to feed 100+ people, 100+ people with access to free booze? The logistics require a lot of planning. It takes a lot of help and even nice, sober people to clean up afterwords. Plus, you're going to need to provide every cup, napkin, piece of silverware, table cloth, table and folding chair, plus the manpower to set them all up and take them back to the rental house when everything is done. So even if your relatives provide all of the food, you're still looking at $10-20 per person to cover that.

On top of that you're going to be spending at least $10 per person on alcohol (some won't drink, but others will drink a lot), this is if you're lucky enough to find a venue that won't make you pay for a bartender. Now you're at $3000-$4500 for a 150 person potluck wedding. If you aren't equipped to do a potluck wedding throw in another $20 pp to have something inexpensive delivered like barbecue or sandwiches, bringing the total to $6000-$7500, and that doesn't include a venue fee, officiant fee, wedding cake, photographer, wedding clothes, rings, honeymoon, or postage for invitations.

Personally, I made the cake, used a laptop instead of a DJ, skipped the limo, bought a $100 wedding dress, and DIYed the flowers, favors, and invitations. Still, we spent well over $10,000 on a 180 person wedding. However, we saved heavily and could afford to do that. (Kids, it is never worth going into debt for your wedding.)

Seriously, if $10,000 sounds nuts for you have a small wedding or do a quickie courthouse wedding. You'll be just as married. Just don't get all judgy about what other people do, especially if you expect food and drink for free.
posted by Alison at 7:27 AM on March 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh, how I could have used this FPP a year ago... But yeah, seconding Alison about the cost of weddings. We thought we could go into it and throw an awesome party in Chicago for 60 of our closest friends and family for $5k. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Seal-and-send invitations (tear-off postcard RSVPs and much cheaper than formal invites with envelopes), $100 dress, grocery store bouquet, no bridesmaids/groomsmen, candles from a craft store and $1 candle holders from Pier One for centerpieces, DIY hair and makeup, iPod playlists for music, friend as officiant, no cake (pies!), etc. etc. We spent money only on the things we cared about - food, open bar, and good photographers. And despite being super stingy everywhere else, it still cost more than we originally expected.

Really, unless you're severely limiting the guest list, weddings cost money. What sounds completely unreasonable and wasteful to you (it did to me) is just what these events cost, even for those of us that are fairly non-traditional and DIY about it. Unless you're an event planner in your professional life, your average person just doesn't realize what it costs to do this stuff, so $10k for a wedding sounds extravagant.

Wedding planning was the most stressful thing I've ever done, and everyone said I was the most laid-back bride (although I think they were comparing me to the Bridezilla stereotype rather than real, actual people). I have no desire to ever do it ever again.
posted by misskaz at 8:20 AM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]